Why men marry bitches
FROM DOORMAT
TO
Dreamgirl
Act Like a Prize and You’ll Turn
Him into a Believer
“Sex appeal is 50% what
you’ve got, and 50% what
people think you’ve got.”
Meet the Nice Girl
Everyone has known a “nice girl.” She is the woman who will
overcompensate, giving everything to a man she barely knows,
without him having to invest much in the relationship. She’s the
woman who gives blindly because she wants so much for her
attentions to be reciprocated. She’s the woman who goes along
with what she thinks her man will like or want because she wants to
keep the relationship at all costs. Every woman, at some point, has
been there.
Certainly, the average fashion magazine gives women ridiculous
relationship advice that makes it easy to understand why women are
so eager to overcompensate: “Play hard to get, then cook him a
four-course meal . . . bake him Valentine’s cookies with exotic
sprinkles shipped from Malaysia (just like Martha Stewart). Don’t
forget the little doilies and the organic strawberries that you drove
two hours to get. Then serve it all to him on the second date,
wearing a black lace nightie.” And what is this a recipe for?
Disaster.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #1
Anything a person chases in life runs away.
Especially when it comes to dealing with a man. With one caveat:
If you chase him in a black nightie, first he’ll have sex with you . . .
and then he’ll run.
Why does a man run from a situation like this one? He runs
because the woman’s behavior doesn’t suggest that she places a
high value on herself. The relationship is new, and the bond between
them is relatively shallow. Yet she’s already dealt him her best card.
The fact that she is willing to overcompensate to a virtual stranger
immediately suggests one of two things. He’ll either assume she is
desperate, or he’ll assume she is willing to sleep with all men right
away. Or both. What gets lost is his appreciation for her extra
effort. Once a man begins to lose respect for a woman because she
is willing to subtly devalue herself, he will also lose the desire to get
closer to her. Nightie or no nightie.
A dreamgirl, on the other hand, won’t kill herself to impress
anyone. This is why the woman he really falls in love with doesn’t
serve a four-course meal. And you won’t see her breaking out the
fancy china, either. She’ll start out cooking him a one-course meal.
(Popcorn.) No fancy doilies. A Tupperware bowl does the trick.
She simply asks her guest, “Hey, do you want the bag or the
bowl?” Six months later, the same woman throws together a meal
and puts down a hot plate in front of him. And what does he say to
himself? “Man! I’m special!”
It doesn’t matter if it is pasta with Ragu topped by a meat-ball
you picked up at the corner deli. He’ll say, “This is the best pasta I
have ever had in my life!”
Now he feels like a king. And the only difference is the amount of
time and effort he had to invest, first. He didn’t get it all right up
front and he appreciated it more.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #2
The women who have the men climbing the
walls for them aren’t always exceptional.
Often, they are the ones who don’t
appear to care that much.
This isn’t about how to play a game or how to manipulate
someone. This is about whether you are genuinely needy, or
whether you can genuinely show him that you’ll be an equal partner
in the relationship. It’s about whether you are capable of holding
your own in a relationship.
What would happen if you let him know from day one that you
are willing to bend over backward? He’d think you’re desperate,
and he’d want to see just how far you’d be willing to bend. It is
human nature. He’d immediately start to test the waters. The more
malleable you’d become, the more he’d expect you to bend. He’ll
instantly perceive you as a Duracell battery, as in, “Just how far will
she go? How much can I get out of her?”
Nice girls need to know what a bitch understands.
Overcompensating or being too eager to please will lessen a man’s
respect; it will give the kiss of death to his attraction, and it will put a
time limit on the relationship.
Most men don’t perceive a woman who jumps through hoops as
someone who offers a mental challenge. Intelligent women make the
mistake of assuming that if they hold a higher degree, they can hold
their own in a political debate, and they have a good understanding
of mid-caps, they offer a man mental stimulation during dinner. But
the mental challenge has little to do with conversation. (Granted, if
she thinks that Al Green and Alan Greenspan are the same person,
then Houston? We have a problem.)
In general, the mental challenge has to do with whether you
expect to be respected. It has to do with how you relate to him. It
has to do with whether he knows that you aren’t afraid to be
without him.
The nice girl makes the mistake of being available all the time. “I
don’t want to play games,” she says. So, she lets him see how
afraid she is to be without him and he soon comes to feel as though
he has a 100 percent hold on her. This is often the point when
women begin to complain: “He doesn’t make enough time for me.
He isn’t as romantic as he used to be.”
A bitch is more selective about her availability. She’s available
sometimes; other times she’s not. But she’s nice. Nice enough, that
is, to consider his preferences for when he’d like to see her so that
she can sometimes accommodate them. Translation? No 100
percent hold.
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